It is easy to imagine the kind of life I wish to have. When I think about all my desires, it becomes easy to detach myself and completely succumb to my fantasies. Yet, I wonder—how can a person be fully present while still being inclined to dream of more?
I always find myself thinking about my past. Who was I when I was younger? How did I end up this way? I often ask myself absurd questions that even I can’t answer. Probably no one can. With the kind of life we’re living now, it’s easy to completely lose ourselves in society’s expectations. We seek validation from people we don’t even know. We find ourselves in constant doubt just to please others.
I often wonder if the person I am now is who I’m meant to be, and whether I should just accept it. It’s truly maddening to know that I have my own thoughts, yet still can’t understand myself.
I struggled with many things growing up—things that seemed small, yet had such a deep impact that they made me walk through life with fear. I like to think of myself as a wanderer, both in my dreams and in life. I find it captivating to imagine living in another country and exploring the world with no fixed agenda.
If there’s one thing I was always sure of growing up, it was that I wanted to travel the world. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it before, but now I have the means to make it happen—yet I still can’t bring myself to do it. I always tell myself that I need to save more money first—which is true—but I can’t seem to find the courage to just quit and wander the world.
When I was younger, I used to give myself timelines for everything. By this age, I should have this. At this age, I should be doing that. Now, in my mid-twenties, I often find myself overwhelmed by the things I haven’t accomplished yet.
I used to measure success by material things. If I had a certain item or money, I considered myself successful. But now, my definition of success has changed. I’ve started to see the world as it really is—a place with a broken system, where people are constantly trying to survive and just live
These days, success for me is just living my life the way I want and helping others without expecting anything in return. I used to put so much importance on money or following what society says “success” should be. But I’ve realized I came into this world with nothing. I didn’t choose the environment I grew up in, but now I’m responsible for the world I create around me. I’m learning to live as an independent person—not just to get by, but to actually live.
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